Poppa Won

Here is the story of a man’s desperate struggle to remain in the life of his child and keep the right to be her father. It started out as a division from his spouse and evolved into a full-scale war filled with false allegations. Instantly he became the victim. Many attempts were made to sway the child’s love and affection away from him. On several occasions he found himself repairing and rebuilding his relationship with the child. If not handled correctly, he knew this high conflict separation of Dad and Mom would confuse and hurt his little girl.

He was accused of being a threat to his child, a stalker, a drug and alcohol abuser, and an endangerment to the mother. These declarations automatically made him guilty and he was now the centerpiece of this situation. Simple observations and investigations, a large paper trail, extensive research and refusing to give up on his daughter became the key components in developing a plan that would prove his innocence. As evidence accumulated he became aware of what needed to be done in order to build a strong defense and achieve victory.

When a couple unites to become one and a baby is born to them, great changes occur for the benefit of their infant. Whether they remain together or not, this little one will have that father and mother for the rest of their life. It’s very important for every child to know that they have two parents. The ability to bond with both should never be interfered with or the end results will be damaging. Everyone has a Dad and a Mom. It’s not fair or good to take from a child what naturally belongs to them. For the sake of the children, these grown ups should act civil towards each other and remain friendly regardless of what they prefer to do. Animosity must cease to exist between the parents at all times while their youngsters are present. Like a tape recorder, they will remember what is said about the other parent.

If a man and a woman separate, the kids should never be denied the love of their folks. This action of neglect does not refer to a specific gender. It points to the one who consciously or unconsciously creates harm by obstructing the connection between the child and the other parent. Sometimes the children are used as high-powered weapons to devastate the one who departs from the arrangement. After the split, the non-custodial half wants involvement with the child but their efforts are deterred or hindered. Without justification, to disrupt the union of a child and the other parent is an injustice to both.

The absence of a healthy relationship between the child and both parents can reap havoc. This missing link can lead to spiritual, emotional, or psychological damage that will linger on forever. Protecting the children from this kind of mental abuse must become top priority.

It helps to know what kind of life the character in this story lived. From his childhood to the present, the mistakes he made and lessons learned, his family and what he was taught to believe became the structure of his being. Later in life he would discover methods that assisted in salvaging what he considered to be his personal disaster. A spiritual awakening helped him stop this destructiveness. This part of his existence resembled an earthquake in which few victims survive. Many in this country still suffer from this self-inflicted abuse.

Hopefully the experience of this author can help prevent the readers from having to go through the pain, misery, and fear of being erased from the lives of their children. It’s a real heartache to go from a full time parent to a visiting one, with most of your activities under scrutiny. Within these pages you will read from his documentation what this man did, how he fought and won so he could keep his privilege to be Poppa. (For a copy of Poppa Won call 1-888-280-7715)

Each year millions of couples separate. These broken relationships may often involve children. As a result of the split, the children can sometimes be used as pawns or centerpieces in the custody battles that take place in the courtrooms across America. Children who get caught in the middle can grow up feeling partly responsible or confused and become emotionally disturbed. Poppa Won is a true story of how one man refused to give up and fought legally through the courts in an attempt to gain joint custody and the shared parenting of his only child, and won.

Anthony’s book can help non-custodial parents contend with the legalities of a custody war even when the domiciliary parent becomes embittered and tries to maintain total control of the kids. He tells how he endured the vengeful tactics and unimaginable incidents that his girlfriend inflicted upon him. His personal story will help others in similar situations develop a plan to prevent being ejected from the lives of their children. He also points out the negative impact a controversial separation can have on the mind of a child and the dangerous consequences that may occur when a parent abandons or is removed from the life of their child. Offering different methods to cope with the absence of a child, Anthony stresses that any time spent with them should form happy, joyful memories, and the importance of how no parent should reduce themselves to slandering the other parent while their child is present.

“The most important reality that the readers may learn from this book is that kids shouldn’t be brainwashed and made to experience the mental anguish, feel the emotional abuse or suffer the psychological damage that can accompany the separation or divorce of their folks, little ones have feelings too and don’t deserve this mistreatment”, Anthony states.

1) BEHAVIORAL DISORDERS/ RUNAWAYS/ HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS/ CHEMICAL ABUSERS/ SUICIDES

• 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes (Source: Center for Disease Control)
• 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)
• 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes (Source: National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools.)
• 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes (Source: Rainbows for all God’s Children.)
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census)

2) JUVENILE DELINQUENCY/ CRIME/ GANGS

• 80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes (Source: Criminal Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26, 1978)
• 70% of juveniles in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (Source: U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report, Sept 1988)
• 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home (Source: Fulton Co. Georgia jail populations, Texas Dept. of Corrections 1992)
• California has the nation’s highest juvenile incarceration rate and the nation’s highest juvenile unemployment rate. Vincent Schiraldi, Executive Director, Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice, “What Hallinan’s Victory Means,” San Francisco Chronicle (12/28/95).

These statistics translate to mean that children from a fatherless home are:

• 5 times more likely to commit suicide.
• 32 times more likely to run away.
• 20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
• 14 times more likely to commit rape
• 9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
• 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances.
• 9 times more likely to end up in a state-operated institution.
• 20 times more likely to end up in prison.

• Juveniles have become the driving force behind the nation’s alarming increases in violent crime, with juvenile arrests for murder, rape, robbery and aggravated assault growing sharply in the past decade as pistols and drugs became more available, and expected to continue at the same alarming rate during the next decade. “Justice Dept. Issues Scary Report on Juvenile Crime,” San Francisco Chronicle (9/8/95). “Crime Wave Forecast With Teenager Boom,” San Francisco Chronicle (2/15/95).
• Criminal behavior experts and social scientists are finding intriguing evidence that the epidemic of youth violence and gangs is related to the breakdown of the two-parent family. “New Evidence That Quayle Was Right: Young Offenders Tell What Went Wrong at Home,” San Francisco Chronicle (12/9/94).

3) TEENAGE PREGNANCY

• “Daughters of single parents are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a premarital birth, and 92% are more likely to dissolve their own marriages”. “All of these intergenerational consequences from single motherhood increase the likelihood of chronic welfare dependency”. Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, Atlantic Monthly (April 1993).
• Daughters of single parents are 2.1 times more likely to have children during their teenage years than are daughters from intact families. The Good Family Man, David Blankenhorn.
• 71% of teenage pregnancies are to children of single parents. U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.

4) CHILD ABUSE

• The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states that there were more than 1,000,000 documented child abuse cases in 1990. In 1983, it found that 60% of perpetrators were women with sole custody. Shared parenting can significantly reduce the stress associated with sole custody, and reduce the isolation of children in abusive situations by allowing both parents’ to monitor the children’s health and welfare and to protect them.

5) POVERTY

• “The National Fatherhood Institute reports that 18 million children live in single-parent homes. Nearly 75% of American children living in single-parent families will experience poverty before they turn 11. Only 20% in two-parent families will experience poverty.” Melinda Sacks, “Fatherhood in the 90’s: Kids of absent fathers more “at risk”,” San Jose Mercury News (10/29/95).
• “The feminization of poverty is linked to the feminization of custody, as well as linked to lower earnings for women. Greater opportunity for education and jobs through shared parenting can help break the cycle.” David Levy, Ed., The Best Parent is Both Parents (1993).

6) KIDNAPPING

• Family abductions were 163,200 compared to non-family abductions of 200-300. The parental abductions were attributed to the parents’ disenchantment with the legal system. David Levy, Ed., The Best Parent is Both Parents (1993), citing a report from the U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justice (May 1990).

Many custody disputes result in the father being ejected out of the life of his children. He will get to see his kids when the Judge allows him to. When there is no legitimate reason for removing a good and moral Dad from the youngsters’ life, his absence can create emotional problems later on. For those who want to find out what can happen to boys and girls who grow up without their fathers, an epidemic currently on the rise, go to Google.com and type in “effects of fatherlessness”. These disturbing reports help to expose many of the consequences in fatherless homes and makes it easy for the reader to determine that these statistics are accurate. The parenting, especially nowadays goes beyond the ability of a single parent.

“IN FATHERLESS HOMES” > 85% OF THE KIDS HAVE BEHAVIORAL or EMOTIONAL DISORDERS, 71% ARE HIGH SCHOOL DROP OUTS, 75% RESORT TO CHEMICAL ABUSE, 71% HAVE TEENAGE PREGNANCIES, 75% WILL LIVE IN POVERTY, 90% RUN AWAY FROM HOME, 85% END UP IN PRISON and 63% COMMIT SUICIDE   - - -   go to  poppatoo.com

Forced to defend himself against the false allegations made by his ex-girlfriend, Michael Anthony tells his triumphant story of how he fought back by following the court’s orders and not retaliating, awarded him the love, honor and respect of his only child.

To prevent the devastating effects of Parental Alienation, you must begin by recognizing the symptoms of PAS. After reading the list, don’t get discouraged when you notice that some of your own behaviors have been alienating. This is normal even in many of the best parents. Instead, let this list help make you aware of how you are behaving and what you are saying or shouldn’t be saying to your children.

1. The child will usually blame the non-residential parent for not being able to choose when they can visit their youngster. The parent is now victimized regardless of what happens; not being able to see his children or if he sees them, they are angry. The domiciliary parent will sometimes allow the child to choose when they have no choice about visits. Allowing the child to decide for themselves to visit when the court order says there is no choice sets the child up for conflict.

2. Telling the child “everything” about the marital relationship or reasons for the divorce is alienating. The parent usually argues that they are “just wanting to be honest” with their children. This practice is destructive and painful for the child. The alienating parent’s motive is for the child to think less of the other parent.

3. Refusing to acknowledge that children have property and may want to transport their possessions between residences.

4. Resisting or refusing to cooperate by not allowing the other parent access to school or medical records and schedules of extracurricular activities.

5. A parent blaming the other parent for financial problems, breaking up the family, changes in lifestyle, or having a girlfriend/boyfriend, etc.

6. Refusing to be flexibility with the visitation schedule in order to respond to the child’s needs. The alienating parent may also schedule the children is so many activities that the other parent is never given the time to visits. If course, when the targeted parent protest, they are described as not caring and selfish.

7. Assuming that if a parent had been physically abusive with the other parent, it follows that the parent will assault the child. This assumption is not always true.

8. Asking the child to choose one parent over another parent causes the child considerable distress. Typically, they do not want to reject a parent, but instead want to avoid the issue. The child, not the parent, should initiate any suggestion for change of residence.

9. Children will become angry with a parent. This is normal, particularly if the parent disciplines or has to say “no”. If for any reason the anger is not allowed to heal, you can suspect parental alienation. Trust your own experience as a parent. Children will forgive and want to be forgiven if given a chance.

10. Be very suspicious when the child calmly says they cannot remember any happy times with you or say anything they like about you. Be suspicious when a parent or stepparent raises the question about changing the child’s name or suggests an adoption.

11. When children cannot give reasons for being angry towards a parent or their reasons are very vague without any details.

12.A parent having secrets, special signals, a private rendezvous, or words with special meanings are very destructive and reinforce an on-going alienation.

13. When a parent uses a child to spy or covertly gather information for the parent’s own use, the child receives a damaging message that demeans the victimized parent.

14. Parents setting up temptations or trying to make plans that would interfere with the child’s visitation.

15. A parent suggesting or reacting with hurt or sadness to their child having a good time with the other parent will cause the child to withdraw and not communicate. They will frequently feel guilty or conflicted not knowing that it’s “okay” to have fun with their other parent.

16. The parent asking the child about his/her other parent’s personal life causes the child considerable tension and conflict. Children who are not alienated want to be loyal to both parents.

17. When parents physically or psychologically rescue the children when there is no threat to their safety. This practice reinforces in the child’s mind the illusion of threat or danger, thereby reinforcing alienation.

18. Making demands on the other parent that is contrary to court orders.

19. Listening in on the children’s phone conversation they are having with the other parent.

20. One way to cause your own alienation is making a habit of braking promises to your children. In time, your ex-spouse will get tired of having to make excuses for you.

Outside there is a world of predators that are waiting to devour the minds of our children. The media has invented methods for destroying the moral intellect of our youth. Young kids, who have no concept of fear, get easily impressed or convinced, can become their targets. The lack of parental education can leave these youngsters without a defense, which makes them vulnerable. When children know the outcome of a harmful behavior or a dangerous action, they’re less likely to pursue it due to the consequences. Here is the reason all parents need to stay informed and remain involved in the lives of their children. The most horrible feeling that parents can experience is when their son or daughter becomes the addict, the thief, the whore, the homosexual, the drunkard, the murderer, the prisoner, or the victim because dad and mom didn’t teach them any better. If they’re not warned about these seductions, the world is waiting. (Page 229)